Why I Chose Not to Medicate My Depression
I remember the feeling of standing in my dorm room at 19 years old and wanting to end my life. I didnâ€™t have strong relationships with anyone and I felt worthless. I could be in a room of people and still feel alone. It was an awful feeling coupled with unbelievably high levels anxiety. I was either shaking or completely numb and still. I called the schools emergency hotline that day. Something inside me wasnâ€™t ready to commit to the permanency of death. The school psychologist rushed over and sat with me until my parents flew down. It was an extremely embarrassing feeling, but clearly the angel on my right shoulder was winning the battle with darkness that day.
You are a badass. No, really! You are. You should tell yourself things like this every day. Don’t wait for someone else to validate how awesome you are. It’s about knowing your own self-worth and realizing your own potential. Sure, it’s nice when other people see that, but at the end of the day, you need to be your own cheerleader. Most of your self-confidence and drive should come from how you view yourself. What makes you badass? Are you a wiz at work? An adventure seeker? Really good at a hobby? You don’t need to be an army ranger or thrill seeker to be a badass.
Mind Over Matter
Any time I was afraid of something or felt my body giving in to illness, I remember my mom saying, â€œmind of matterâ€. Unfortunately, that statement isnâ€™t very true when it comes to getting sick. I mean, Iâ€™ve successfully held off vomiting a few times, but always succumbed to it not matter how hard I thought I wouldnâ€™t let myself get sick. As far as conquering fears though, I think this is definitely true. It all comes back to the mind being incredibly powerful.
The Law of Attraction
Iâ€™ve talked about the fakers and the doers in another blog. They are people that either talk a lot of game or theyâ€™re actually working hard and doing things. When it comes to achieving your goals, itâ€™s important to set intentions by speaking and writing what you want. Iâ€™ve watched the documentary The Secret about a dozen times. The Secret addresses the law of attraction. What you put into the world, you get back. Your thoughts are vibrations and have the ability to attract the things, but if you donâ€™t actively work for your goals, will you achieve them?
Self-Reflection Change is always hard, but if you donâ€™t understand why you do certain things, change will become even harder. Self-reflection can be a tedious process if youâ€™re not used to tapping into your own mind, but itâ€™s an important process to go through if you want to move forward in life. Have you ever failed to do something multiple times? Maybe youâ€™ve tried to diet and just canâ€™t seem to stick with it. There may be things in your past, locked inside your self-conscious, keeping you from achieving what youâ€™d hope to. Self-reflection is also great way to learn how better ways of coping and most importantly, loving yourself through all of your trials and tribulations.
Picking Your Posse
I never really ran with a bad crowd, most of them were artsy people, but man did I have a lot of bitches in my life. Sorry, but this is not the time to censor myself. I seriously hung out with some of the most hateful, backstabby people on the planet. Itâ€™s no wonder that there were parts of my life that were less than stellar. That negative energy loomed over me whether I wanted it to or not. As hard as it is, sometimes you have to choose whom you keep in your life and whom you set free. In life, it is imperative to surround yourself with good people, because you essentially pick up traits and become like the people you associate with. People who are on your track will keep you on your track, but if you try to cohabitate with people in a different lane, more often than not, youâ€™ll end up in their lane.
The Scale is a Liar!
Iâ€™ve been obsessed with that number… that little bastard staring up at you making you think that youâ€™re fat. Let me explain to you why that scale is a dirty liar. 4 years ago, at my lightest, I was 108lbs, but I was what you would call â€œskinny fatâ€. I was thin, had no muscle, and yet still looked a little bloated. I started doing Beachbodyâ€™s Insanity about a year later and gained 6lbs. The scale is sitting their telling me â€œOMG YOU GAINED 6LBS!!!â€–but my mirror was telling me I was leaner and more muscular than I had been at 108lbs. The scale doesnâ€™t tell you the whole story. My suggestion? Get a tape measure and a camera. Pictures are worth a thousand words… Inches lost are more important than Lbs lost. No more torturing yourself with the scale.
Believe in Yourself
No one gets in your way more than you do. Self-doubt is the killer of dreams, goals and motivation. I picked the photo for this blog with one thing in mind… how doubting myself while climbing that almost ruined a race for me. Iâ€™m terrified of heights, which makes obstacle course racing that much more interesting.
Book of Intentions
A Book of Intentions, not to be confused with the Book of Shadows from Charmed, may help you unlock your mind and start living to the fullest. You could call it a diary or a journal, but what I like about calling it a â€œBook of Intentionsâ€ is you can literally write down your future. This is a book for you to jot down all of your goals and wildest dreams. Itâ€™s also a place for you to write down daily feelings of gratitude and affirmations. Iâ€™m a firm believer in if you write it down, you will bring it to fruition.