The Fear of Judgement is Holding You Back: How to Unapologetically Jump into Your Perfect Life
I’m pretty close with my cousins. During my last trip back east, I had an amazing conversation with my cousin one of them while we were waiting to pick up her daughter from school. She and I are 16 years apart, but I’ve always found it easy to talk to her. For the first time, we got pretty deep and I realized that we were more alike than I had thought. She said she was battling some depression and anxiety and whenever it would kick in, people would ask her what the problem was. All she knew was when she felt this way, it was a feeling that something was missing in her life.
I completely understood what she was saying. It’s as though you’re not living your purpose, but you don’t know what that is yet– You just want to do more. Unfortunately, she was greeted with the “you have everything you could ever want, what is there to be sad about” mantra of those who A. don’t understand mental illness and B. don’t know what it’s like to want to do more with your life. What people also don’t understand is that statements like that condition us to be fearful. This is where fear of judgement comes into play. Ex. “I really want to do this thing but I’m afraid that my family will think it’s dumb.”
Even today, I occasionally catch myself wasting precious time because I’m afraid of how others may be judging me. I have a lot of plates spinning at all times… I’m a producer, writer, blogger, brand rep. Truth be told, I have a lot of passions and I want to be able to follow all of them — unapologetically. I don’t believe that you were put on the earth to do one thing and die, so that is why I challenge people to do more than just their day job and create their dream life. But, because society has conditioned us otherwise, we have conversely conditioned ourselves to believe that what we want out of life is wrong.
Three Affirmations for Releasing the Fear of Judgement:
1. “I know that this fear will not serve me positively on my path to success. I release it with ease”
2. “I give myself permission to let go of the judgement of others.”
3. “I hold the power in my life. I am not influenced by the words, thoughts or actions of others.”
“She has a 6-figure job, why does she need to do this thing on the side?” People judge the things that they don’t understand, but you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel bad about it. I’ve mentioned before that not everyone is the same. Some people are more than happy with their 9-5/family life. And that’s totally ok! But for the dreamers, I want you to know that what you seek in life is within reach, but only if you let go of that fear of judgment and completely lean in to whatever it is you’re doing. You can’t keep dipping your toe into the water; eventually, you’re going to have to jump in or you will not achieve your goals.
If you truly love something, you better go for it. Any time I’ve felt that fear creep in, I’ve reminded myself that life is short and this is MY life to live. You have to live for you and you need to remind yourself every effing day! I’ve achieved so much already because I refused to be held back and I truly believe that chasing your dreams outweighs the risks. I’d rather try and fail than wish I had tried. I’m also comfortable knowing that unapologetically jumping into life means that you will lose people along the way. You will outgrow people. This is natural. But, what’s awesome is, you will eventually gain a tribe that vibrates on your level. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with.
I’m telling you right now, this process will feel like spiritual growing pains some days. Releasing that fear is like a dance with the devil, but is necessary if you’re going to design your life on YOUR terms.
5 Tips on Living Your Best Life
1. Create a road map/vision board for your perfect life and come up with an action plan for each aspect. Actively working toward your dreams will open doors! The process of planning also keeps the brain happy and your vibration high. When you have a high vibration, negative feelings like “fear” have a harder time infiltrating.
2. Some people will never share your enthusiasm or be supportive. Stop sharing your dreams with those people. That lack of enthusiasm will drain your enthusiasm for what you’re doing. Let these people be outside observers to your life’s happiness. You are not meant to share your life with everyone.
3. Be outwardly grateful for your successes, not matter how big or small, and be equally as grateful for life’s lessons. Acknowledging what you’ve learned is what the Universe likes to see! It’s not always smooth sailing. Life is about learning how to navigate the storm so you can appreciate calm seas.
4. Find your tribe and raise them higher. Part of living a full life is surrounding yourself with like-minded people and helping others succeed. You don’t necessarily have to be a mentor, but a little inspiration goes a long way!
5. Stop fucking apologizing. You may not actually say the words “I’m sorry”, but your actions do. Any time you shift the way you’re doing things because of someone else it says “Oh, I’m sorry that doing this really awesome thing makes you uncomfortable, let me stop”. Don’t derail your awesomeness for the comfort of others. LIVE. YOUR. LIFE.
It’s not too early. It’s not too late. You’re not too old. You’re not too young. Start the blog, sell the makeup, build your company, go after your passions. STOP LISTENING TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND STOP LETTING YOUR FEAR OF JUDGEMENT HINDER YOU FROM DOING THE DAMN THING! (Ok, I’m done yelling now.) Your happiness is paramount and you should do everything you can to serve it. Living a fear based life will lead to a life that is full of regrets. At the end of the day, you are the one that decides how much of your life is influenced by others and how much is authentically you.
Here are some of my favorite books for breaking out of your shell and designing the life of your wildest dreams.