At only 30 years old, I think I’ve started over and again with most things in life…. friendships, self-love, weightloss, love and romance, jobs… How I’ve navigated each new start has drastically changed as I’ve gotten older. We must realize that life is a journey in which we are meant to learn lessons; we will inevitably pick up baggage too, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I also believe that loss and drastic change is the Universe’s way of making room for something sublimely awesome. So, when you feel like you’ve lost your marbles, it’s just he universe is shuffling the way you process thought, your core values, and your understanding of what you THINK life is and should be. While it’s ok to fall apart and truly feel your feelings, the delicate art of starting again is being gentle with yourself and knowing that a bigger blessing is coming into your life.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing. We think we want what we have until we are forced to live life without it for a period of time. The realization that something wasn’t satisfying, will set you free. I feel strongly about this concept for relationships in particular, because I learned so much from a failed 5-year relationship, myself. If you’re miserable, take a break. If you find that you’re happier by yourself than with that person, you have your answer. Being comfortable is the worst excuse for enduring misery. Initial discomfort from change will be far less painful than a lifetime of “what ifs” and not receiving what you need. Walking away is braver than staying in anything that doesn’t serve you.
I find that many people get stuck in their ways. Â When you’re unwilling to embrace change, life seems to be even harder. Â If we start to embrace that we–our souls and the world around us are constantly evolving, and we must also do the same, we will navigate change and start again with much more ease. When you’re experiencing a lot of resistance, it’s not meant to be. We are conditioned to be persistent and unrelenting– to not be quitters. But, there is nothing wrong with changing course, in fact, I think it is the bravest thing a person can do. Beating your head against a wall hurts, so why would you continue to do it?
Firstly, I want everyone to let go of the judgement of others as to why they won’t allow themselves to change course and start again. We are permitted one life and you better live it for yourself and no one else. I stood in those shoes, afraid to go after what I really wanted in life because of what other people might thing. The day I let that go, is the day I started living, and subsequently, my life got happier, healthier, and prosperous. Saying “eff it” to what the people around you think, is by far, the most important step to starting again. You need to do what you need to do. Period.
You also need to take time for yourself. Inevitably, you will have many thoughts and emotions that you need to work through and to do that, you may have to disconnect. This time is not to wallow in sadness, it is to truly search inside yourself for answers. What do you want in life? What can I do to change this? What would make me truly happy? Self-reflection is key. This stops us from repeating the same mistakes over and over. We have to know ourselves and be happy with ourselves before we can have good relationships with others.
Do what feels right. I think I got a lot of judgement for starting a new relationship 2 months after ending a long-term relationship. He’s also 20 years older than I am, but that’s a story for another blog. I don’t have to think that I was judged, I know I was, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen and it felt right, so I went with it. When it comes to logic, we rely a lot on our thoughts… our brains. When it comes to our lives, I think we should start leaning toward what the heart wants and needs. If quitting your corporate job to start an art gallery is what feels right, do it.
Starting again is scary, but worth it every time. I always tell people, “You are not stuck, because you are not a tree.” This means, you have the ability to get up and move and do something whenever you feel like it, so don’t let fear or judgement hold you back. The most beautiful souls are the ones that have been beaten down, learned to adapt and change, and persevered. When it comes down to it, embrace your new start with open arms; it’s your opportunity to get what you really want, do it better, and achieve your wildest dreams.
So, when you find yourself at a fork in the road, don’t fret. If you don’t like the path you’ve chosen, turn around and take the other. Life isn’t that hard to navigate if you’re connected to yourself and your desires. Enjoy the journey.
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly”
This #BloggersTalkingAbout series features amazing bloggers writing from the heart. Continue reading more by following these links. Starting Over by Joanne | Starting Again by Jenny | When It’s Time To Start Again by Traci | Making Mistakes by Karen | Starting Over by Alicia | Crafty Me by Karen | The Delicate Art Of Starting Again by Nikki | Starting Over by Brandy | Starting Over by Wendy | If you’re a mom/female blogger, join us in our group, Bodacious Bloggers.
Need some more inspiration? Check out some of my personal development videos on navigating feelings, healing old wounds, and moving on in life. Â xoxo Nikki
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Life is all about the journey, and starting over is part of that.
I get so stuck in my ways sometimes. Change is definitely not easy for some people.
I agree with you completely about relationships. My sister taught her daughters something I find particularly empowering as they go into the world forming their first committed relationships and finding their possible lifelong mates: If you roll over in the morning and the face staring back at you isn’t someone you envision wanting to be with for the rest of your adulthood, it’s time to move on. Don’t string it out End it. She empowered them to do that. I wish I had that lesson growing up. It took me two failed marriages to realize it takes more than all the commitment one person can muster to survive a harrowing relationship. Sometimes, for your own sanity, it’s time to start over.
It’s a very interesting post! It’s so true: other people’s judgments could stop from going further. That’s why we should avoid people who make us feel low, sometimes running away is a good option:)
What a thoughtful post. Life is full of ups and downs for sure. But the best part is if you are not happy with the direction your life is going, you can always change it.
Definitely have to embrace change as a healthy way to grow and mature. I’m 48 and have had to make many changes over the years. Resistance is natural at first but when you finally realize that change is the only way to move forward, it becomes easier.
Moving on can be hard, but it’s the best thing to do. The day we stop making changes is the day we die. That’s just life!
I love the quote at the end! I’ve felt like I’ve started over in so many aspects of my life! You are not alone!
Change definitely isn’t easy! This is such a beautiful post! A lot of people should read this and take it in!
Such a thoughtful post! Change is hard for me too and it’s not easy to start over! I’ve had lots of problems in my marriage and starting over was harder than I imagined it would be but so worth it! Thanks for your honesty!
Thank you for sharing this personal post! I can totally relate to it. Change and starting over sure isn’t easy but it can be such a wonderful thing.
This is so thoughtful and interesting. I just turned 31 and I’m about to have my second baby! So things are going to change for me, ready or not! I loved reading this!
Change is an aspect of life that is truly very hard for me. Thank you for your honest opinion in this post. I really enjoyed the thoughts it provoked.
I have finally come to grip with the realization that all of life is change, and that living fully means adapting. Great blog post on this topic… so needed.
I really enjoyed reading your post. So many people are afraid to be themselves and do what they really want just to please others. I think life is too short to not follow your own dreams instead of what people want you to do.
I am so glad I read this….it’s perfect timing for me. Changing is hard …that first step but something more awaits. Thank you for the reassurance!
What a beautiful post! Change is hard, but necessary in this crazy world we live in. It is also enriching and important. Keep moving forward, do what feels right to you. That is all that matters.
I have found myself at different starting over points throughout my life. Life is funny like that, we think we are on the right path until nope. Great post.
I love this post. It is so positive and t he energy of it is very inspiring. Yup! We can all change for the better. This reminds me that there is always room for improving who I am as a person and how I respond and deal with others.
Starting again is really scary, I’ve had to start again before. With everything in life, including where I was living. I had never been so scared in my life because I didn’t know what was coming next, I am definitely a planner and I couldn’t plan what I didn’t know. I love how positive that this post is, I wish you all the luck!
You’re not stuck because you’re not a tree – I love it. I will carry that with me. I also agree with letting go of judgment. It definitely stops us from moving on.
🙂
Traci
Life is a journey, not a destination. You have to learn to go on the road and be able to go where it leads. That sometimes mean taking a right when you want to go left. It means stopping to smell the flowers and to let the wind blow your hair. It’s all in the views and the stops along the way. Live it and enjoy it.
Starring over is never easy. I love your positivity surrounding it though.
Change definitely takes some time to get used to. But once you let that fear go, you allow more room and growth for new opportunities.
I love this. I’m in my 20s and I have already lost count on how many times I’ve started over and made changes in my life. It’s a never ending process but positivity is definitely key! Life is all about the journey; you’re never stuck.
Thank you for sharing!
You are so right. Hindsight would make so many of our decisions that much easier.
I agree that starting over is scary but worth it! Good for you for staying so positive and realizing the beauty in moving on.
This is beautiful, thank you. You say so much that hit home. I am sure many will agree. Embracing change and letting go are things I talk to myself about all the time. You are a wise woman! (PS, I love the ocean pic, is that your curly hair- I am a curly girl too! )
Haha yes! That is my natural mop! <3
No one really likes the idea of having to start over and over, especially when you’ve done it quite a few times in your life. I think it’s important that you make the most of it though and if it requires having to start over then it’s going to be worth it.
I was never good with change and it will always take me some time to get used to new things. But as you get older, you’re going to learn to adapt faster. Change isn’t always good but it’s normally packed with lessons to learn and new experiences.
Hugs mama. Forks are so scary but exciting!
Totally agree with everything you said. Change happens and we have to accept it and continue on our journey,
Love this insight story! I learned that nothing is permanent except death tax and change. Agreed that change is scary but it’s also part of life. As for me, I want to change myself to be a better me. Be open minded to change where the road leads.
This can be a big ordeal to many. It’s not easy and no one is really happy about the idea of having to start over, but we just have to going no matter what and make the best out of it as best when can/know how.
I have started over a few times. Always scary, sometimes sad but ALWAYS works out for the better. HUGS!
Love the reference to the caterpillar. You are so right and it’s never to late to start over and build the life that you WANT to live :).
Thought-provoking post and so true to remember life is a journey. It is meant to move and be fluid. If it is NOT, then there’s room for mental illness to take hold, and that’s not a good thing!
Relationships are probably among the most challenging parts of the journey, especially if you need to start over. I’ve been there … 3 times! The first marriage only lasted a few months because my husband was abusive AND cheated on me. The second marriage lasted nearly 20 years, but again…my second husband was verbally abusive and controlling.
My current marriage – third time’s the charm – is a breath of fresh air and my husband is very caring and supportive. Coincidentally, we also have a large age difference – he is 13 years younger than I am. I’ve been accused of “robbing the cradle” and being a “cougar” – but you know what? It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. We are happy, we love each other, and we’re sure God brought us together since.. what are the odds we would both join the same online dating site, find each other, and have everything work out so well for over 14 years now? 🙂
Best wishes to you in your new relationship!
You know people do get stuck in their ways. But if you decide to separate yourself being that you’re on another level than they say you’ve changed. I personally have had to continue my journey by separating myself from certain behaviors from family, friends and or associates and I don;t feel bad about it. I just think another way.