Why Gaining Weight Back Was a Blessing in Disguise
Have you ever put on an outfit that feels really good, butÂ when you see aÂ photo or walk past a mirror youÂ say, â€œwhat was I thinking?â€Â Thatâ€™s how I feel when I look at most of myÂ weightlossÂ photos from a few years ago. Iâ€™m a 5â€™1,Â curvy Cuban girl who whittled her way down to 108lbs and a size 0 because thatâ€™s that society told me to do. Thatâ€™s what Hollywood was throwing in my face every day, even though Iâ€™m a producer and not on camera.Â Listen, health wise, I was way too heavy at 175lbs, but I started placing my beauty and self-worth on a number and size that doesnâ€™t mean anything.Â After a while, it started to get me in trouble. I was under-eating, working out 2-3 times a day, taking diuretics, laxativesâ€¦. If it was somewhat safe, I was doing it to stay lean and get into a size zero.Â I did and guess what? I still wasnâ€™t happy.Â After my career took off and I didnâ€™t have all day to focus on food and the gym, I gained weight back, but it was a blessing in disguise.
Initially, as I watched the weight creep back on, it put me into a depression. How could I let this happen? After all that hard workâ€¦ I was devastated.Â What also didnâ€™t help the situation was my then boyfriend. I remember distinctly the first and only time he told me I was beautiful was on our first date. I needed to hear it when I couldnâ€™t feel it myself, but appearance was very important to him. I felt his disappointment that I was no longer the woman he started dating. My workouts, when I had the enthusiasm to do them, were for him, not me. I started killing myself for all the wrong reasons again, but this time, I realized it and stopped. My body, my beauty, is about me, how I feel, no one elseâ€¦ I need to love me for me and the right guy will love me for me.
Itâ€™s been 5.5 years since I first lost the weight, gained it back and then lost weight again. The difference in this last attempt at changing my body is this: I workout and eat right because I love myself, not because I hate myself.Â I shifted my mindset so that I could really evoke positive change, but also maintain realistic goals.Â Â I had to face the factsâ€”my heritage gave me hips and tits and theyâ€™re not going anywhere. People literally pay to have my curves!Â I like cupcakes, so if being able to eat them means Iâ€™m a size 4, give me all the cupcakes. What I find fascinating is once I healed years of metabolic damage, started eating balanced meals and doing shorter workouts, my body found a happy place.Â I maintain a size 4 without trying very hard.Â Our bodies are awesome like that.
I study a lot of different diets and workouts. Being educated is part of the battle when it comes toÂ weightlossÂ and gaining muscle.Â Now that Iâ€™m older and smarter, I pick up weights, rather than sweating through hours worth of cardio. Muscle is what keeps the fat away. I make sure I get 10,000 steps a day, which is a little over 4 miles.Â Do I have excess weight? Yes. Do I want to be leaner? Yes. BUT, I want to take my time and do things the right way.Â I want to love myself every step of the way and for the first time in my life, I can say that I do. When I look in the mirror, I donâ€™t see flaws, I see a badass bitch that slays! I see how beautiful I am despite what society tells me.Â Â It also doesnâ€™t hurt that my current boyfriend tells me that I have the body of an 80â€™s Marvel superhero. It feels good to be Wonder WomanÂ (Sorry, Marvel, Iâ€™m a DC girl).
Life is about the ebbs and flows. Nothing is sure, nothing isÂ permanentÂ and sometimes we take steps backwards in order to take leaps forward.Â Iâ€™m finally leaping forward and it feels really good. I know so many women struggle withÂ weightlossÂ and body image issues, so I wanted to share my story about gaining weight back, which happens more than people are comfortable talking about.Â I really hope that if youâ€™re struggling withÂ weightloss, weight gain, eating disorders or anything else that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that you take a step back to seek lessons, acknowledge blessings, and start loving yourself again.Â Do all things though love, especially when it comes to your own bodies. Youâ€™re beautiful just the way you are.
Check out my video:
Body Positivity at Every Shape and Size