Why I Chose Not to Medicate My Depression
I remember the feeling of standing in my dorm room at 19 years old and wanting to end my life. I didnâ€™t have strong relationships with anyone and I felt worthless. I could be in a room of people and still feel alone. It was an awful feeling coupled with unbelievably high levels anxiety. I was either shaking or completely numb and still. I called the schools emergency hotline that day. Something inside me wasnâ€™t ready to commit to the permanency of death. The school psychologist rushed over and sat with me until my parents flew down. It was an extremely embarrassing feeling, but clearly the angel on my right shoulder was winning the battle with darkness that day.
Mind Over Matter
Any time I was afraid of something or felt my body giving in to illness, I remember my mom saying, â€œmind of matterâ€. Unfortunately, that statement isnâ€™t very true when it comes to getting sick. I mean, Iâ€™ve successfully held off vomiting a few times, but always succumbed to it not matter how hard I thought I wouldnâ€™t let myself get sick. As far as conquering fears though, I think this is definitely true. It all comes back to the mind being incredibly powerful.
Believe in Yourself
No one gets in your way more than you do. Self-doubt is the killer of dreams, goals and motivation. I picked the photo for this blog with one thing in mind… how doubting myself while climbing that almost ruined a race for me. Iâ€™m terrified of heights, which makes obstacle course racing that much more interesting.
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