I haven’t weighed myself in over 3 years, but, full disclosure, I know what I weigh right now and that’s only because the nurse that weighed me 2 months ago blurted it out before I could tell her I didn’t want to know. Honestly, when she said the number, I was surprised… I definitely thought I was 20lbs heavier than what she said. I’m not going to tell you the number, because the number doesn’t matter. Being obsessed with that number is what lead me down an unhealthy road a few years ago. It’s a road I work hard to never go down again, so I stopped weighing myself and here’s what happened…
- I started making better food choices –Eating 1000 calories a day was doing more harm than good. When I couldn’t sustain that any more and I wasn’t working out 3x a day, I gained weight and my body wouldn’t let go of it. So, I went from being afraid of calories and certain foods to educating myself on how to properly fuel my body. I had to learn how to eat properly and be patient with my body as she learned to trust me again. You know that saying “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”? — Well, that’s bullshit. Haha Currently, I follow the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time, I keep my diet full of nutritious whole foods. 20% of the time, I allow myself to indulge– because life is too short to pass up a cupcake. I found balance and I let go of my feelings of guilt when I treat myself.
- I didn’t punish my body in the gym— I would work out in front of a mirror and snarl at myself out of hate. Look myself in the eyes and say things like “a few more reps fat ass”. Once I stopped weighing myself, this stopped. There was no more lifting heavier than I should have been. There was no more hours of cardio. I greeted the gym with a “hey, girl, let’s have fun and do this”. My new mantra became ‘any movement is better than no movement’. Walks became and acceptable form of exercise — which quickly became a meditation for me. I went in with a plan and adjusted if I wasn’t feeling it — without GUILT! If it didn’t make me feel GOOD, it wasn’t worth continuing. Workouts should be out of love for your body, not hate. The only time I look in the mirror in the gym now is to check my form. That’s it.
- I appreciated my reflection in the mirror— At my lightest/skinnies, I still picked a part every imperfection I saw in the mirror. Half the time, what I “saw” wasn’t even my reality. Gaining a little weight back put some things in perspective for me. I was still so far from where I started — which was unhealthy. I looked at my so-called flaws and thought “this is beautiful feminine softness. These boobs are what women pay for. This ass is what women squat for.” Sure, I have some personal body goals, but I learned to love my reflection. My reflection showed me a woman who had been beaten down but was standing tall even after all the ups and downs. I appreciated her strength, grace, and beauty.
- I stopped focusing on my “size”— The almighty size zero is the worst motivation I ever gave myself. I whittled my way down from a size 10 jean to a size 0 and I still hated myself. Funny how that happens. That numerical size means nothing. It doesn’t define you. It took gaining weight back to realize that. I recently posted on instagram about why you shouldn’t read to much into what “size” you have to buy. I had on a workout outfit — size small pants, size XL sports bra, size medium jacket. In every day life? I wear a 2/4 pant, a small/medium top, and a size 10/12 dress. I have dresses in my closet that are a 4 and dresses that are a 12. The size doesn’t mean a thing — clearly! When I stopped weighing myself, I stopped equating weight with my size or my size with my weight.
- I was able to fall in love with myself — God gave me hips and tits, so It’s best that I stop fighting it. I’m soft, even when in great shape, so I embrace it. Just because I seek change doesn’t mean that my current state isn’t beautiful. But, it’s not just the outward that I fell in love with. I fell in love with the fact that my body can move. She does some amazing things for me that I used to take for granted. When I stopped weighing myself, I was able to fall in love with myself mind, body, and soul… because I realized that I, we, are so much more than a number.
I see no point in stepping on the scale (unless you’re super overweight and need the starting point of your journey). If it’s weightloss that I’m seeking, I know how to get there the healthy way and I opt to take body measurements — it’s a much more accurate account of your progress. The focus should be on progress, not perfection, and definitely not a number that doesn’t really mean much. The way you eat and the way you workout should be for health and self-love, not appearance or out of self-hate. When we stop associating our self-worth with numbers, we can truly fall in love with ourselves and find happiness in our health journey.