I think, maybe, every little girl dreams of becoming a cheerleader. The uniform is cute… you get to hang out with the jocks. For me, it was about getting the crowd excited and the athleticism that always seems to go unnoticed. From about the age of 10, I wanted to be a cheerleader. From 6th grade through High School, I tried out every. single. year. I never made a squad. One memory that always stuck with me was try outs my freshman year of High School. We broke off into smaller groups to rehearse the dance routine. The Senior Captain looked at me and said “You’re REALLY good. You weren’t off once.” I thought I had it in the bag. NOPE! Let’s face it, with a sport like that, it’s a popularity contest. Girls would kiss the coaches asses for weeks prior… but not me. I wanted my ability to shine, even back then.
While I was always a little pudgy, I did gain some weight at college. The freshman 15 is real, people! I found out that SCAD had a cheerleading squad and I got excited. Mind you, SCAD is a private arts college… so I was also a little confused because they don’t have a football team, but regardless, I was still excited. I showed up to tryouts, jumped, cheered, flipped and danced my ass off. And again… NO DICE. BUT… the coach came up to me and said “Hey, we really liked you. Work on your tumbling and jumps and come back next year.” Finally, some constructive criticism that I could run with. That summer, I hit the local gymnastics academy. My jumps got higher and I even got a spotted backhand spring under my belt. My sophomore year, I hit tryouts again. This time, I made it. Also, let me add that I scored a 10-10 on the dance routine. It was always my strong suit.
The first bump in the road and hit to my self-esteem was getting fitted for the uniform. I may have been overweight, but I wasn’t at my biggest…. nor did I feel that big, but in a room of my peers… “She needs the largest skirt” was shouted across the room to my coach. I was mortified.
As good as it felt to be at the games, cheering and performing for crowds, when I was at practice, I was miserable. The coach started weekly weigh-ins, and while I was great to see my new active lifestyle was helping me slim down, I was completely uncomfortable having to do this in front of the squad. At one particularly bad practice — which left me crying in the bathroom– my coach actually grabbed my side while I was in a heel stretch and then whispered that I had to stay and run laps after practice. I get it. We’re on an athletic team and we should all be at a certain level of athleticism, but seriously? Maybe he didn’t realize how damaging his words and actions were, but they were killing my spirits and what is a cheerleader without good spirits?
I don’t think it’s an uncommon thing for cheerleaders to have eating disorders. There was a girl on our squad that was recovering–we’ll call her Ashely. We all knew it killed her inside that she was no longer a flier. She always looked so enviously of the girls being tossed into the air. After we had a group of guys join the squad, our stunting got taken to another level. One night we were all screwing around with stunts. The guys were putting us up in liberties and such… nothing crazy, but It was cool to see how it felt to be a flier. Ashley asked them if they could do a basket toss with her. They obliged. Our coach quickly came over and said “I suggest you stop before you hurt yourselves.” To this day, I can’t believe he said that, especially in front of a girl that was recovering from an eating disorder.
I wound up only cheering for a season. If it wasn’t me, someone was crying at every practice. It wasn’t a good atmosphere. It stopped being fun rather quickly. I was reminded of all these feelings this past week when Facebook posted a throwback photo of me with the squad. I smiled at first and then giggled, “Jesus, I hated that year so much.”
Sometimes we work so hard for something and then it doesn’t quite meet our expectations. But, hey… I was persistent in my pursuit and the moral of this story is, you can do whatever you put your mind to, just make sure that when you achieve it, it’s what you really want.
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28 Comments
Leave a Reply to Shaheen Khan Cancel reply
I would’ve cried too having to do a weigh in in front of others. I’ve never been the skinny one so this post hit home. Thanks for sharing!
No kidding about the freshman 15. I’m still trying to get rid of it 25 years later!
I see this now with my daughter who just turned 6. Over the summer it was hard for her to understand why she wasn’t a flier. There is so much pressure for young girls – well girls of all ages. I am glad that you have the confidence now to write this!
I think you looked beautiful then and now! I always wanted to be a cheerleader too but was always too scared to try out.
Wow, it’s too bad the cheerleading environment in college ended up being toxic. It always seems like everyone is having fun when you’re a spectator at a game.
I came from a town where everyone had to be perfect – and I was not. High school was tough for me.
Thats so sad that coaches are that tough and mean to their girls. Girls are sensitive; eating disorders are real. To tell a teen they cant takes so much confidence from them. I’m glad you stuck through the whole year and didnt quit. That in itself is strong.
I have never wanted to be a cheerleader, but do understand the popularity contest that seems to be a part of a lot of girls’ growing up. Everyone has their “thing” that tried to break down their confidence. Your article is great about helping us remember our personal self worth and to be positive about our appearances.
not the kindest coach there was he (she)? Good for you that you kept trying until you got on a team, most would have given up
I give you so much credit for doing this. It’s sad that so many girls suffer devastating body image issues because of cheerleading.
Whaaatttt?? I very much hope that “coach” is no longer coaching. He does not at all sound like a motivator or leader. You definitely hit the nail square on the head with “Sometimes we work so hard for something and then it doesn’t quite meet our expectations.”. I’ve most definitely experienced this in my life but it has shaped who I have become today.
Cheerleading went from being a sideline activity to being a sport almost overnight…. so I was a cheerleader, but we didn’t do tumbling runs or look like olympic gymnasts, we didn’t do elaborate stuff because our school was worried about liability issues.. Sorry you had a bad experience, but I totally agree with sometimes be careful what we wish for, LOL xoxo Robin
Coaching like that is why I won’t let my teen try out or be a cheerleader at all. She’s allowed to do other athletic stuff, but nothing that focuses your worth as a team member on the shape or size of your body. She’s 13, and girls at that age … well, you remember. I don’t want her struggling with her body, crying over a skirt size or a scale number.
This is a good post, perfect for those who are wanting to be cheerleaders themselves. They need to know that it’s ok that they are not a size 0 or 1. Young teens need to be taught early enough to love themselves and not have gym teachers or squad leaders putting them down, Thanks for opening up about something that was so personal and hurtful. ?
Ohhhh, I am seriously mad at the atmosphere that your squad was in. I would have left too. I am a recovering anorexic, so having someone comment on my weight would just rub me the wrong way.
I was never allowed to try out to be a cheerleader. My mother absolutely refused to let me be part of it and I was always so cross with her about it. After reading this I kind of understand why now. It all sounds so stressful!
Great positive message to young girls who might feel insecure about their body. Teenage years are so hard… you really were strong to go there the next year and do it again.
I think that was a toxic environment to be in and I’m glad you dropped it as soon as you realized that. No one should ever be shamed for their body. This is just too much especially for the younger women to experience.
I think it is awesome you went for it! Sorry it was not what you were hoping for, and if there were tears that is horrible! I hope you were able to enjoy some of the experience. I was on my schools dance team and was one of the bigger girls, it was hard with the costumes. But I loved to dance and helped my team win a ton of competitions! The confidence it gave me has helped me well into adulthood.
It makes me sad that someone would say mean comments and turn something that excited you into a negative experience. So much emphasis is placed on body image versus being healthy. Not everyone is super skinny.
Body image is so difficult for girls. Too bad coaches and people in authority don’t focus on being healthy versus being skinny. People need an image adjustment
Hi Nikki!
Let me tell you I was never the cheerleader, but I was the Wolverine. This way the fat girl could hide behind the mask and not be seen. I was a small fry cheerleader, but never one for the big HS football team. I’m happy I wasn’t because those girls were mean, miserable, and cruel. Not so much to me, but to other girls and I’m glad I wasn’t a part of it. I was always bullied because I was the BIG girl. I’m 5’11 and wear a size 12 shoe in men’s. I also learned the importance of acceptance and identity. I learned a cheerleader doesn’t make you any cheerier and their opinions of themselves were self-centered and narcissistic. I was happy being the Wolverine 🙂
I always wanted to be cheerleader but where I went to school they never had it. You look beautiful. Never listen to others.
Good for you girl! You are rocking at life. I love how persistent you were and that you finally got what you had worked so hard for! You are a way better person than all those girls.
Kaitlyn
http://www.mypostpartumlife.com
That is terrible that you had to go through that. Highschool is so hard on everybody. I got made fun off because I was more of a punk.
Amazing post. A very important lesson that we often learn in life. We chase something with complete diligence only to realize that it doesn’t really make us happy or provide fulfillment. Loved reading it:)
The pressure is on when you are a cheerleader but you really look good during college and now. I’m glad you were persistent and got through all that. Now you have a very inspiring story to tell.
wow your coach sounds like they were a total dick! no one should be pressured to change to fit the norm…